I want to have my dog’s nose for just a few hours. I want to smell all the amazing things she does because apparently everything smells edible.
We have a little feral cat problem in our neighborhood. They enjoy using our side yard as a giant litter box, thus leaving kitty turds all over. My husband tries his best to keep up with the cleanup, but the cats are crafty and put one over on him now and again.
Enter my fluffy dog. She goes outside, manages to find the well hidden turds in question, and then proceeds to bring them in for later snacking. I want to know what these disgusting butt nuggets smell like to a dog. It has to be something amazing like steak or Tootsie Rolls. Or those lovely little mini Cinnabon rolls just out of the oven. Or fresh bread. Or a hot pizza. Mmmmmm… Cinnnabon.
The cicadas are in town again for the summer. She seems to think these are also a taste treat as she’s eaten every single dead one she’s found in the yard. I bet they smell like fried chicken wings.
Then there’s sticks. Yep, eaten a few of those as well. They must be like potato chips. She also loves dental floss. At least I understand that one a little. It’s minty and good for her breath, although having to pull a fairly lengthy string of it out of her behind was a tad daunting. My friend’s dog ate yarn once. She chased her and was pulling an extensive amount of it from her derriere. I suggested she make a very special sweater out of it. She suggested I eat poop (she used slightly different words, I’m sure you can imagine). This brings me back to the original point. I want to smell what my dog smells. If you’re with me when this miracle occurs, please make sure I don’t eat the cat poop (or sticks, or bugs — wait, did that already). And if I eat floss or yarn, be kind and do me a solid when I start dragging my behind across your floor. I’ll owe you for life, and I pay in cash.